Shift to See the Other

Shift to see the other

Each of us has a world-view or “paradigm” through which we see the world and make value judgments. In order to genuinely love other people who are not “like us,” we need to acknowledge and try to understand their world-view. It requires a “shift to see the other” for us to value them and their perspective so we can a mutually beneficial relationship and add value to each other. Then we can be STRONG for our work with others.  

A Small Paradigm Shift 

Notice the lady in the featured picture above. What are your initial thoughts about her – as she proudly stands in front of this water buffalo? (as for another paradigm shift… these are buffaloes. The animals in the US are Bison – in case your teachers and books have steered you wrong!)  

 I encountered this lady in a small village in India. I saw her pick up a huge pile of fresh buffalo manure with her bare hands – which of course was off-putting and puts judgmental thoughts in your mind. Then, she noticed us standing near her home and quickly brought out three chairs for us to sit in. We were a bit wary of their cleanliness – but then again, we were in India – so we gratefully sat in her chairs. Then, she was so proud of her water buffaloes that she wanted her picture taken in front of them. We reflected on her kindness toward strangers and her pride in her water buffaloes and it helped us “shift to see the other” as we stepped into her world a bit. 

Finding the Right Map

In his world-famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey opens with an explanation that we need to have “inside-out” changes within our character in order to have true, lasting influence on others. He says that “private victories precede public victories” (p. 43) to show that we should not expect change in the external world until we have right map and become the person we want to see in the world.  

He says that we have a paradigm – or “map” (or worldview) – that provides a model or theory of the world. If the map is wrong, then we will always end up at the wrong destination – and probably frustrate yourself and many others in the process.  

Each of us has many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories: maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values. We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps ... and our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions.

He goes on to explain how we need to become aware of our maps and then evaluate and examine them to determine their accuracy. Then we can have awareness of the maps of others and be open to adopting them or adapting ours because of new awareness. This opens the opportunity to “shift to see the other.” 

See the Love (all around you)

One of my favorite bands these days is called The Brilliance. They opened for a concert for one of my other favorites, Josh Garrels, and I just fell in love with their music and friendly personality. They have a song called “See the Love” which hits on this subject of “shifting to see the other.” The challenge in the song is to recognize the reality of love all around you and to be a person who shines that love to others by seeing them for who they are created to be.  

Here is a short excerpt from the song: 

Learn to feel, 
Learn to begin again 
Open our eyes again 
To see our brother’s pain 

You can watch the music video HERE – or another one HERE – and read the lyrics HERE.

I hope that you are encouraged by this song and reflect on how you can be the love that you wish to see in the world.  

Application Questions:

  1. Are you willing to examine your map and the maps of others so you can shift to see the other? 
  2. How will you be the love you wish to see in the world?  

Reference: 

Covey, Shephen. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. (Fireside, New York: 1989). 

For more on this topic, see this post: Is Your Heart at Peace or at War?

The Practice of Meditation

Meditate on Kayak

Last week, I wrote about the importance of solitude – and then I was able to go practice it on Monday, Memorial Day, as I went for a lone kayak on the lake and ended up in a quiet corner for almost an hour. It was peaceful to sit still and be mindful of the sights and sounds of nature. I took the time to reflect, meditate, and pray – and felt so rejuvenated after. The feature image for this post is a photo from my kayak outing.  

A beneficial activity to go with solitude is the practice of meditation. I’m relatively new to meditation, so I will provide you with helpful advice and comments from my experience.  

Release Meditation Technique 

This technique was developed (or probably adapted) by author/speaker Brendon Burchard. I have enjoyed learning from his books and YouTube channel, so I decided to give this technique a try. For the past few weeks, I have been working on developing this practice – but (being honest) I need to improve my consistency and length of meditation. It is a work in progress – but, as he says, the most important thing is to start trying and steadily improve until it is a habit.  

I always benefit from breaking away from work/life for a bit and forcing myself to be quiet and meditate. I know that it can be challenging since we are already so busy – how in the world can I spare 10-20 minutes to just sit and “accomplish nothing.” The secret… is that you accomplish more and you are happier during the rest of your time when you take time out to be in solitude and meditate. 

Brendon Burchard’s Method Explained

Brendon explains the benefits and method of the technique in the below link. There is also a helpful video where he talks through the method and then actually coaches you through a meditation session.  

Link: https://www.success.com/the-easiest-meditation-technique-youll-ever-try/ 

Brendon has you repeat the word “release” – but personally, I sometimes choose other words that are more meaningful to me. Words such as “Jesus” or “alive” bring more spiritual depth to the session. As a Christian, I also always start it with a prayer and invitation for the Spirit to speak or make the time meaningful.  

Music for Meditation

If I’m able to, sometimes I also play ambient music in the background while I meditate. A few of my recent favorites are below. You can probably find them on streaming services. (I use Amazon Prime Music) 

  • Sigur Ros – Liminal Sleep 
  • Future of Forestry – Union 
  • Lambert – Sweet Apocalypse 

Religious/Spiritual Meditation Practices 

Entire books have been written on this topic – but I wanted to mention a couple things on this topic before I close this post. 

Christian meditation is not mindlessness or “emptying of the self.” It is active contemplation that includes Scriptural reflection and prayer. It also can involve active listening for Christians who believe that God can speak with them. We often cloud our mind with so much noise that God’s voice or at least His guiding “nudge” does not break through.  

I have Hindu and Muslim friends who have different meditation practices. If you come from another faith background – please comment and share your insights with this community. 

Application Questions:  

  1. If you have engaged in meditation – reflect on how it has been beneficial for you. Please share! 
  1. If you have not, will you take Brendon’s (and my) challenge to give it a serious attempt for at least 10 days?  

Photo: By Daniel David on his Samsung phone on May 25, 2020 on Lake Athens – in Texas.

Thinking Leaders – Solitude for your Mind to Work

Mountain Solitude

Today I would like to discuss the fourth and final leadership principle in the last chapter of The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz. I find these principles to be very helpful and practical in my personal season of life – but also for the season we’re in as a nation. We need to develop as leaders to come out of this pandemic with more strength than we had before because the challenges will be that much bigger! 

Principle 4: Take time out to confer with yourself and tap your supreme thinking power. 

Many of us, myself included, have the problem of crowding our minds with busy schedules and distractions. If we’re always jumping from one thing to the next or allowing (or inviting?) screens and noise to fill our eyes and ears, then we never have time to think. Perhaps we believe that thinking is a waste of time. Or perhaps we are subconsciously afraid of our own thoughts and to feel alone in our minds. However, I think that many people simply haven’t been taught or encouraged to have a habit of intentionally stepping into solitude to think and meditate.  

Without spending time in thought, we become increasingly shallower and lack stability and firmness of purpose. We need to step away and think through big life decisions, consider our identity and purpose, and even to draw small(er) conclusions for work and relationships. 

My experience today:

Before writing this today, I decided to spend some time thinking and meditating – in order to practice what I was about to preach. BUT I WASTED some of that precious time by being distracted by something on my phone. I recognize that I need to break away from the distractions in order to be successful in this habit! 

Advice from Dr. Schwartz

David Schwartz provides very helpful advice as he supports his claim that “successful leaders tap their superpowers through being alone.” And he challenges us by saying that, “You can, too!” 

He reminds us that the great spiritual leaders – “Jesus, Buddha, Confucius, Mohammad, Gandhi” – spent much of their time alone in solitude. There is also the example that many of the evil masterminds of the last century spent time in prison before enacting their destructive plans (Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Marx). These examples, and many others, demonstrate to us that we have a powerful tool at our disposal (our mind) – but we must tap into it more often in order to reap the benefits it can provide.  

Okay! I get it. But HOW?

(glad you asked – here are some ideas) 

  1. Schwartz says to “resolve now to set aside some time each day (at least thirty minutes) to be completely by yourself.”  
    1. This could be directed – with a specific topic or problem in mind. 
    2. Or it could be undirected – and you simply allow your mind go where it wishes and you chase ideas to their conclusion.  
    3. This could be one block of time or split between different times – say the beginning and end of the work day.  
    4. It would be beneficial to journal your ideas and conclusions.
  1. Take a solitude day or weekend once a quarter (or year).
    1.  I found great benefit in removing distractions and being in solitude for an entire day on a few occasions. I had a plan for the time and resolved to make it productive – and it was great! 
  1. Meditation and Self-affirmation 
    1. These are practices I am stepping into more recently.  
    2. Too much to be said here – so I will provide more in a near future post. 

Questions: 

  1. Is this a practice that you would benefit from? Will you start today? 
  1. If you have practiced “solitude for the mind” before, please share your ideas and tips on the topic.  

Reference: Schwartz, David. “How to Think Like a Leader.” The Magic of Thinking Big. Touchstone, pp. 275-302.

Purchase: https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Thinking-Big-David-Schwartz/dp/1897384424/

Is Your Heart at Peace or at War?

Peace

All of us have either a “heart at peace” or a “heart at war” in relation to other individuals or groups. Our heart’s direction toward a person or group influences how we perceive and relate with them.  

Heart at Peace

 When we have a heart at peace (or outward mindset), we recognize the individual as a human being who is legitimate, valued, and perhaps even sacred – with their own story, experiences, desires and feelings. People have the potential to contribute and are respected for their own gifts, talents, and insights.

In a business setting, we can work together as a team and resolve normal conflicts and differences with respectful understanding. We respect each other and listen with patience to what people truly mean as they talk. With a heart at peace, you are actively watching for the positive in people in order to build up their strengths and empower them for excellence!

Heart at War

 When we have a heart at war (inward mindset) toward a person or group, we perceive them as an object without legitimate ideas, feelings, or contribution. They are valuable only as far as they benefit us or our purpose. We are “in the box” toward that person or group as we actually seek justification for our perception of them.

We look for reasons to maintain our heart at war – by focusing on the negative and overlooking everything positive about that person or group. Then we develop “collusion” by inviting that person to have a heart at war toward us – creating a vicious cycle that can only be broken when one of the parties decides to have a heart at peace. 

Think about who you might have a heart at war toward and make a decision today to begin having a heart at peace. It could be an individual you know or one you don’t know. It could be a group you’ve interacted with or perhaps an entire nation or people group you’ve never met. A change of heart starts with us recognizing these assumptions and perceptions – and deciding to change them.  

Here is a great post to read more on this topicShift to See the Other

Resources

 Here is a great summary video on these concepts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbkhK5HK_j0 

 Books by The Arbinger Institute: 

  • Leadership and Self-Deception 
  • The Anatomy of Peace 

 Videos: 

Be the change you wish to see in the world.  ~Ghandi